It didn’t really hit me that my baby boy was going to have surgery until it was 1 week away. Sure we had made the decision, done all the work, and taken all the steps necessary to get here, but for some reason it always felt so far away. The week leading up to the Cochlear Implant surgery, I felt stressed and worried about this major life event that was about to happen. I even caught myself being very paranoid about any sickness or illness that might be going around and doing everything I could to make sure Ike didn’t catch it!
On the day of the surgery, however, I actually felt calm. Which was a strange feeling because I can be an emotional person. We kept getting sweet messages from family and friends wishing us luck, sending us prayers, and telling us we were in their thoughts. I began to wonder, “SHOULD I be feeling nervous and worried?”
Ike was a happy boy going into surgery. He even fell asleep in my arms before the nurses took him back. Our doctor reassured us they would take good care of Ike, and I believed her. (Shout out to Dr. Woodson!) The surgery would take two and a half hours, so Adam and I were stuck in the waiting room just... well... waiting. There was a board in the waiting room that had numbers (assigned to patients) that changed colors according to what phase of the procedure the patients were in. Pink meant Ike was in the procedure. We sat and waited patiently for the color to change, did some work, grabbed some lunch, and I even pumped some breast milk in a spare room (#momlife).
After exactly two and a half hours, the color on the board changed from pink to blue. Ike was in recovery! Again I was surprised that I did not feel any worry about if he would recover okay or if the procedure went well or not. I remember feeling relief and joy that it was done. Ike did it. He got his implant!
Ike’s doctor reassured me that he did great, the implant went in perfectly and she took an x-ray that showed it sitting in the cochlea exactly right. I remember holding Ike afterwards in the recovery room. He had a white headband on with a big earmuff piece over his left ear. It looked like half of a wrestler’s headgear! He seemed tired and was HUNGRY. He cried for a while trying to adjust and figure out what was happening. Once he got his bottle, a little bit of pain meds, and a nice warm blanket, he fell right back to sleep in my arms.
Typically CI surgery is outpatient (which completely blows my mind), however, since Ike was so little, he was admitted to the hospital to stay the night to monitor his pain and ensure he came out of anesthesia okay. Adam had to leave shortly after to get home to pick up our other son, Hank, from daycare and stayed at home that night to take care of him. I stayed with Ike at the hospital.
I fully anticipated that I would probably break down in the hospital room. I thought it would be a time where I could allow myself to get emotional, reflect back on the enormity of the day, and finally let my walls down. To my complete surprise, that didn’t happen. Not even a little bit. I shocked myself because I didn’t have a sense of worry or even a bit of sadness for what my baby boy just went through. I knew he was strong and is such a happy boy that he would recover no problem. I also felt joy and excitement for what this implant would mean for Ike’s future. Writing that sentence actually brings more emotion and tears to my eyes than any moment during or after the surgery. I truly believe his future will be changed because of the implant he just received. There is still a lot of work to be done, but now we have the right tools to get it done.
Ike’s recovery was quick and easy. He never had any pain medication stronger than Ibuprofen. He only had to wear the headgear for two days (including the one in the hospital). He was back to his happy self immediately and was just as active as ever once we got him home. The whole process was really as easy as everyone had been telling me leading up to it, and I was grateful for it!
My whole experience was so much different than I expected. I expected to be emotional and for the process to be very difficult for me. It was the first time either of my children had been hospitalized or had surgery of any kind. It was the first time I stayed in the hospital for any reason other than giving birth. But for some reason, I was calm, relaxed, joyful, grateful, and had this sense of pride for my son. I guess I share this because you don’t always have to feel the way you expect. I remember having doubts, thinking I should be feeling stressed and worried, and for a moment I felt a little ashamed that I wasn’t. Ultimately, there is no shame in how you feel, no matter what it is. Embrace it, go with it, and feel it.
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